Satisfaction

Recently I have found myself wondering what it is that I really want.  I have a wonderful family that I love dearly.  I have a good job with hours that work perfectly for my family.  I have enough money to pay the bills and a little left to stick in savings.  We have a nice home with plenty of comforts.  We are blessed with good health in general.  I attend a great church where I have the opportunity to sing and where I lead the youth group.  Yet I kept feeling like something was missing.  I went through a phase where I really wanted to go back to school and continue my education (crazy I know - I actually LIKE school) but money and time were an issue.  Next I was possessed by an intense desire to take piano lessons again, but I’m already paying for violin lessons for my daughter, so now was not the time for that either.  I then decided that what I needed was more responsibility and challenge from my job, but that would very likely change my work schedule which would in turn interrupt my family’s schedule.  I embarked upon the meal planning routine a few weeks ago, which turned out to be a good idea & seems to be working well for us so far, but even that was born out of this series of desires to change/improve myself in some way.

What was wrong with me?  What was I missing that was leaving me so dissatisfied? 

I’m not sure if I have the whole answer, but I’ve been putting some thought into the issue and this is what I’ve come up with.  It’s not rocket science, or even life changing, but I think I’m on the right track with this.

I’ve been forgetting to be consciously grateful for all my blessings lately.  I’ve let myself get caught up in the worldly thinking that more is better, and though I’ve been spending time in prayer – it has been lacking in the praise and thanksgiving department.  I let myself get caught up in praying for the urgent needs of my friends, family members and the kids in my youth group.  Now, I know that intercessory prayer is important and I know that God listens when I bring others to him in prayer, but I was missing the part of prayer that satisfies my soul and gives me hope and purpose.  I have a good and faithful God who loves and provides for me.  I don’t need anything more in this life than the things He has seen fit to give me, yet I don’t want to become so comfortable that I stagnate in my relationship with my Creator.  My desire is to find the balance between satisfied and seeking… but I think that is a topic for a future blog.  Right now I just need to start by working on the conciously grateful thing.

Thank you, God, for using my own ramblings to gently remind me of the depth of your love for me.  I acknowledge that your blessings are very real and bountiful in my life and I deny any place in my life to the worldly dissatisfaction that seeks to consume me.  Help me to remember how important it is to praise you and to regularly count my blessings as I spend time in prayer with you.  Help me remember to look for the goodness and beauty in the world around me, because you are a Holy God - great and mighty, not only in power, but also in love.

Amen.